Not Anymore

Now that I'm into my second week of not working, I'm noticing that there isn't some huge important thing going on so much as I feel relieved about the things that I am not going through any more. It feels different than a vacation too, because there isn't this urgency to hurry up and do everything before it all goes back to the way it was.

I am no longer:

• Having that dread feeling on a Sunday afternoon about having to start a whole new week all over again.
• Tucking in my children at night and realizing that I will not be seeing them again for 19 or 20 hours.
• Hearing my alarm go off at 4:50 am and using all my will to haul myself out of bed to get ready to go.
• Frantically rummaging through my sock drawer jumble to find two that match, realizing that I am now running late for...
• Slumping in the pain-inducing seat of my car (metal prison on wheels) burning up expensive environment-poisoning fuel while I sit and wait for the vehicles ahead of me to creep ahead...for over an hour.
• Schlepping across the parking lot through blasting winds dragging my rolling computer case up and down curbs and then getting stuck in the too-small revolving security doors while others line up impatiently and watch the spectacle of it.
• Settling into a drab soul-sucking cubicle and booting up my computer while hoping this isn't a day I have to call the dreaded help desk of compounding confusion.
• Sneaking off into the never-all-the-way-clean bathroom stalls where I can cry without anyone noticing.

And that doesn't even get into the actual work or some of the personalities I had to deal with. But there are trade offs, such as no more long lunches out, wearing glamorous professional clothes, exotic business trips, technical recognition awards, promotions...ok so those things weren't exactly happening for me anyways. But the potential for them has faded. I will also not be traveling anywhere exciting and warm over spring break, but for now, I'm ok with that.