A Cheater and a Thief

I decided to go shopping. I really needed to get some new clothes for work. I didn't get enough the first time and I've found that when I don't like what I have on, it really affects my attitude about the day. The only problem is that I'm just not a very good shopper. I don't have the natural knack for it like Mary Beth or Susie, and I'm also hard to fit, my proportions never seem to match up to whatever they had in mind when they constructed the clothes. And I don't put outfits together very well. What I think is a great "tweedy look" has been described by my helpful friends as "Miss Jane Hathaway." If there was some kind of service where I could just sign up to have perfectly fitting, in-style and appropriate clothing delivered straight to my mailbox every season I'd do that and skip the stores altogether.

I had mentioned to Mary Beth on the phone that I was thinking about going to Parisian on Saturday. After we hung up the phone rang and it was her again, making sure I knew that they were having a sale event where you get extra discounts if you bring in items to donate to Goodwill. She would have felt bad if she had let me go to the store without knowing this.

So I went down to the basement where I knew we had a bag of stuff that I set aside for our next donation. A lot of it was old sweatpants that really should have just been turned into rags. I wasn't sure how this was going to work, walking into a fancy store full of beautiful things with some old stuff and then saving money on new stuff. And what was going to happen when I got there, would one of those manicured sales ladies inspect my goods and then decide if they were discount worthy? Nervously I decided on quality over quantity and selected a polo shirt of Larry's that was still very nice, a pair of never-worn brightly colored slipper-socks that had been taking up all the room in my sock drawer, and a pair of expensive-looking black shoes that Becky had passed along to me because they fit her weird, and they didn't fit me right either. I put them into a bag and headed out to shop.

When I got to the store there was a lady at a table. I held up my bag and she said "Do you have five items in there?" I said, "Well, kind of..." As I considered whether a PAIR of something was one item or two. She just handed me a pack of 5 coupons stapled together, and told me to put my bag into one of the giant bins behind me. So I flung the bag in without anyone seeing what what was in it. Five coupons for 20% off of an item. But I felt a little guilty about it.

Right near there was the jewelry counter. I picked out a pair of tiger-eye earrings and some gold hoops. Then I went upstairs and made the circle around the ladies clothing department two times, but didn't find anything I even wanted to try on. I went over to the children's area and picked up sweatshirts for the boys, on sale plus the coupon makes it a very good deal. Suddenly, loud music started playing and a pack of little girls with makeup and hairpieces leaped out of an area labeled "Libby Lu." They wore matching clothes and had little backpacks with something about shopping on them. A birthday party, I think. Then a saleslady led them in a little dance, something about shopping. "Pay attention girls," I thought, "or you'll turn out like me!" I followed the parade of them down the escalator, to the purse area.

I have had my purse for a couple of years, it is my best fashion purchase EVER. I got it at a purse party at Heather's. Alisa and Lynn came along and convinced me to buy it so we could do a buy 2 get one 1/2 off deal and split the savings. It is very cute. So cute that wherever I go, women off all types shout out at me "CUTE PURSE!" But now it's getting old, the fake designer label has fallen off and it's looking a little ragged. And it gapes open because it's not big enough for all my stuff. So I began shopping for a new one. I had to shuffle around the things I was holding so that I could weigh the different choices, trying to gage how heavy each would be without the stuffing but with all my contents. I finally settled on this one because even though there are buckles it is lightweight and there is this little LIGHT in there that goes on when you open it! Now that I had five items I started towards the register but when I looked at my things...there was only ONE gold hoop earring on the little holder card thing. I furtively placed it on a counter with some tags and employee type things.

So you probably guessed by now that when I got home and transferred the things from my old purse to my new one...there was that other gold hoop earring! NOW what am I supposed to do with it? Bringing it back to the store would be inconvenient and waste a lot of gas, and would they ever be able to match it with it's partner after a few days? Find a needy pirate with a pierced ear? Any one out there want it? Please advise, dear blog readers, I will do whatever you say is right.